Is Resilience Always a Good Thing? Why It’s Time to Rethink a Popular Concept
We’ve all heard it before “You just need to be more resilient or “We all need to learn how to bounce back”. It’s become a buzzword in wellbeing, leadership and personal development. In coaching conversations, performance reviews and mental health/wellbeing discussions, resilience is often held up as the ultimate asset.
But what if our popular definitions of resilience are doing more harm than good?
Cavanagh and Hefer (2022), in their paper, share another perspective on the hidden costs of how resilience is typically framed. The authors propose a more compassionate and connected approach and offer a new way forward that’s more compassionate, connected, and context-aware.
Here’s what they uncovered and why it matters.
The Problem with Traditional Resilience Models
Most mainstream resilience theories focus on the individual: their mindset, their bounce-back factor, their grit. While well-intentioned, this narrow view often ends up individualising systemic problems.
Let’s say a team member is overwhelmed and burning out. A traditional resilience lens might ask:
“How can they manage stress better?”
But a more useful question might be:
“What systems are contributing to this stress and how can we change them?”
When we frame resilience as a personal responsibility, we unintentionally risk blaming people for struggling, instead of addressing the structures and cultures that may be causing harm.
Resilience Isn’t Just About You - It’s About Us
Cavanagh and Hefer argue that resilience isn’t something you either “have” or “lack.” Instead, it’s a dynamic, relational process that emerges within complex systems - families, teams, workplaces and societies.
Real resilience is shaped by:
The quality of our relationships
The environments we live and work in
The support systems and policies around us
This matters because it shifts the narrative from “fix yourself” to “let’s fix what’s not working together.”
Beware the Bounce-Back Myth
Another problem? The common metaphor that resilience means “bouncing back.”
While catchy, this image suggests we should quickly return to how things were before the challenge struck. But what if we’ve changed? What if we can’t or shouldn’t go back to the way things were?
We all know growth isn’t linear and healing doesn’t happen on a schedule. Sometimes, the most resilient thing we can do is slow down, ask deeper questions pause and adapt - definitely not power through.
A New, Healthier Approach to Resilience
The authors offer a powerful reframe. Instead of pushing people to “be tough,” let’s support them to be human.
That means:
Creating space for emotional honesty
Recognising how systems and power structures affect wellbeing
Building safety, belonging, and connection, especially in the workplace
Letting go of control and embracing uncertainty as part of life
As coaches, leaders and humans, we can stop asking people to do more with less - and start asking how we can change the system so everyone can thrive.
Do we need more ‘Grit’' or do we need ‘Grace’'
Resilience still has a place but I tend to agree with the authors, let’s stop treating it like a personal virtue and start seeing it as a collective capacity or a capacity that can be developed with support.
It’s about bouncing forward, together.